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Friends, I’m going to be a bit vulnerable here and tell you a little secret: I like to drink. No, I’m not talking about staying hydrated with the daily recommended eight glasses of room-temp H20, I’m talking about kickin’ back, lettin’ loose and catchin’ a little buzz – and I don’t discriminate in what I drink. I like it all! Beer, wine, cocktails, even the occasional bullet train of the booze world: shots. But, as I venture into my 30s (ugh, who am I kidding? My mid-30s), I find the advice our elders passed down to be unequivocally true: the hangovers get harder the older you get.
THE HANGOVERS GET HARDER THE OLDER YOU GET
Scientifically speaking, this is because your metabolism slows down as you age, and your body isn’t able to process the alcoholic enzymes as efficiently as it did back in the college years. But, maybe it doesn’t have to be that way? Maybe the older you get, the wiser you become? And maybe that wisdom comes in the form of getting ahead of your next hangover by researching The Best Hangover Cures the world has to offer (AKA reading this article, which you’re already doing. Good job, you!).
Now, of course, there are the tried-and-true classics like chugging a sports drink or eating a greasy breakfast but, in the last decade or so, several anti-hangover supplements have launched, designed to help detoxify the liver and reduce hangover symptoms. Although it’s hard to know which of these supplements to choose from as the market has become flooded these last few years. Well, folks. You’re in luck. With 100% journalistic integrity, I have set out to get properly inebriated, then test-drive a variety of these hangover cures for your personal benefit. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of us stay in our pajamas all day, trying different anti-hangover brands.
AfterDrink is one of the most popular hangover pills, with 23 antioxidant ingredients packed into each capsule including high dose B-vitamins, milk thistle, ginger root and Korean ginseng. My first experience with the supplement was during a bachelor party weekend in Phoenix where I knew the drinking would be plentiful and the hangovers miserable. I took the recommended dose: three capsules before drinking and another three after your last drink. The next morning, sans a tinge of expected fatigue, I felt fresh as a daisy. AfterDrink worked! Even better? It’s all-natural and totally affordable at $34.99 for a one-month supply.
Elements of Balance plant-based drinks were suggested to me by my friend Christian who is one of those spunky thirtysomethings who still has the energy of his nineteen year old self. If Christian is out drinking Ketel One till 2AM, he’s at the gym the next morning doing kettlebell squats. I asked how he has energy to exercise after a night of heavy drinking and he told me his secret: he cracks open a can of Elements’ adaptogens-powered Energy drink ($33.90 for a 12-pack) , which is made with “clinically-effective levels” of ginseng and rhodiola. I tried the non-carbonated beverage the morning after a night out with friends where a foolish number of Moscow Mule’s were guzzled down and, not only did the beverage give me a legitimate shot of energy, there was also an after-drink stress-relief component as well. Not to mention, it tastes great with a combination of orange and ginger flavors. My only disclaimer is this drink must be served chilled, as I drank one that hadn’t been refrigrerated long enough and it didn’t pack the same flavorful punch.
I’ll admit when I’m hungover sometimes the only way I can really start to feel better is if I smoke a bit of pot to take the edge off. Well, if weed isn’t your thing, but you’re keen on the healing properties of cannabis, you should give The Good Patch’s Revive Patch (28 patches for $90) a try. The patch is complete with 15 milligrams of Premium Hemp Extract and all you do is peel it off and place it on the inside of your wrist before your night out or the following morning and – voila! – your hangover is a thing of the past. The Good Patch’s Revive Patch also contains Dihydromyricetin (or DHM), an extract from the Japanese Raisin Tree that has been used for centuries as a hangover cure in Chinese traditional medicine.
Liquid IV is a stalwart in the hangover-relief game and its Lemon Lime Hydration Multiplier ($24.47 for a 16-pack) has been in my post-party repertoire for nearly half a decade. Hangover or not, Liquid IV’s Hydration Multiplier is great for anyone who’s dehydrated, as ingesting one pouch is the equivalent of chugging two bottles of water. The mix uses Cellular Transport Technology (“a specific ratio of potassium, sodium, and glucose,” says the brand) to deliver nutrients and hydration to your bloodstream faster and more efficiently. The concoction also contains more than your daily value of Vitamin B and C and comes in a variety of refreshing flavors such as Piña Colada, Passion Fruit and Watermelon.
Blowfish is specifically formulated for people with hangovers, which means it’s designed to work fast and be gentle on your rumbly-tumbly “Oh gosh, why did I drink so much tequila last night???” stomach. Each Blowfish tablet contains 500mg of aspirin and 60 mg of pharmaceutical caffeine in two effervescent tablets. You drop the tablets in an 8-ounce glass of water, let them fizz and drink. Simple, right? Blowfish’s Value Pack retails at $25 for 40 tablets so the price isn’t too bad either. I took my Blowfish tablets the morning after an evening of too much Italian food and even more red wine (which often gives me a super-sluggish hangover) and my usual hangover headache dissipated within a half-hour.
Mark and James Aleks, two brothers from a little farm town west of Boston, moved to Denver and were met with an unexpected challenge — the altitude gave them intense pressure headaches and made their hangovers absolutely miserable. The brothers set out to solve the problem, looking for ingredients that would both soothe the aftereffects of alcohol, as well as the symptoms of altitude sickness. A year and a half later, Zaca was born! The brand’s Recovery Chewables ($21 for 12 tablets) are made from pure, all-natural ingredients, fit easily into your pocket and can be consumed without water. Not to mention, with a refreshing berry flavor, they taste a bit like those old school Flintstone vitamins we all used to nosh on in our youth. So, on top of being good for you, Zaca scores major nostalgia points!
WRAPPING THINGS UP
Alright, party people. That’s all he wrote. A complete-and-total breakdown of The Best Hangover Cures on the market. Now of course there’s no 100% cure-all for a behemoth banger of a hangover, but it couldn’t hurt to start cycling through and trying out some of the products I’ve selected for you here. Hopefully they’ll do the same for you that they did for me and make your Sunday Morning Comedown that much easier to handle. Good luck out there, my boozy little angels.